Thursday, June 03, 2010

Don't



Don't

I'm only telling you this
because I can trust you
I've been thinking lately
the life I have
I've held the razor blade
tight up
and traced the vein
all the way
to my elbow
over and over
but
I don't know
maybe I'm afraid of
hell
I know you don't believe in
hell
I can't take this much more
I wanted to call earlier
I love you
You are my best friend
I don't want to bring you down
I don't want you to worry
But I need you
now
I can't do this no more
Everybody
hates
me
I can't even
go out
to my garden without
trouble
raining down on me
They step on me
like a doormat
like
I'm not a person
I can't live like this
much longer
I flushed all my meds
They make me crazy
I hate who they made me
I'm not me anymore
You know me
Am I still me?
I don't know
anymore
I'm scared
I don't know me
I don't know
what
I
will
do
anymore
But I am afraid of
hell.

Don't leave me alone.
Don't leave me.
Don't leave.
Don't.

2 comments:

Paolo said...

hey, i don't know you personally, but from following your blog, i know what kind of a person you are. there are very very few people with your kind of soul, insight, and honesty in on earth right now, and the earth desperately needs you. the people who treat you so poorly are victims of this fucked up culture as much as you and i are, the difference being that you and i can see why and how it is the way it is. these people are confused and disoriented and civilization is having a much easier time of turning them into soulless wetiko (cannibal) people than us. us few people hold the most dangerous and effective weapon against the destruction in the planet: we are keepers of something this culture fears above all else, the only thing that has a chance of bringing this death culture down. of course, those of us who side with life are a tiny minority, but we are aware and conscious. those who side with the death culture are vastly unaware of what they've sided with, or that there are sides at all. they're asleep and in a tremendous amount of pain that they are unable to identify, and so they lash out, because that's all they can do, all they know how to do. it's a nasty illness that they have, one that not many people can pull through.

we can't afford to loose you to this monster right now. don't let the man get you down. we need your presence in this world now more than ever.

it's true, only crazy people would cling to this terrible world. life for most living things on earth right now is incredibly painful, and so all the more reason to live in reckless joy and unleashed life energy in defiance of that which destroys!

DOWN WITH THE DEATH CULTURE! UP WITH LIFE!

OnlyEd said...

Paolo,

Thank you, I needed that encouragement too -- but the poem is not about me directly. I am a poet-philosopher, and my poems are about life as I know it. In the reality behind this specific poem, the person is speaking to me -- but the poem speaks from the poet to the reader. The response you gave, is much the same response I gave to this person.

I understand the emotion and reality of the situation from the first-person perspective, though, because I have thought much the same thoughts at one time, and felt much the same feelings. I have written other poems on this subject from my personal perspective. And though sometimes I have those thoughts still . . . there's no way I will let the bastards beat me down. I will always get back up.

Once again, thank you. I love you too.